Hi, welcome to today's second blog post. I thought it would be nice not to taint my mother's birthday blog post with the vitriol that might seep out onto the page when I start writing about my experiences (or lack thereof) on the Plenty of Fish dating site. So, it will actually be three blog posts today. This one will be a stand alone.
I have been on Plenty of Fish for a while now. It is a free dating site. And I know that you get what you pay for. That being said, I do find that there are women on the site who I am moved to write.
Here is my process - I do a search, or look at my "Matches" and see if any of the thumbnails move me to explore more deeply. I would say that about one in ten might be of interest visually at the thumbnail level. When looking at their profile, I first look at their pictures. Yes, I am a male and I tend to be visually oriented when initially being attracted to someone on the internet. Goodness knows that their pheromones are having no effect on me. Or their voice. Or their intelligence. I do then look quickly at their basic answers. I have decided, finally, that I will not date a smoker. So I make sure that they have at least checked "None Smoker." Next I look to see what their "Want Children" preference is. What the heck does "Prefer not to Say" mean? I know what it means, but what does it mean in this instance? I am ok writing to someone who has checked "I don't want Children" as long as everything else is appealing. Though I do have teeny tiny hopes of still being a parent to a little one one day. Some people are eliminated here.
Next I read through their profile. A few times if it is short or if it is interesting. If the grammar is suspect or there just isn't anything there of interest, I will usually not write. This is where I get a smidge of an idea about how intelligent someone might be. Sure, not a great amount of information, but it is all I have to go on. If I decide to write, it is because all signs have pointed to "Maybe."
I have written at least 40 people on the site in the past month or so. The messages I write are all "PG," topical to their profile, sometimes funny or at least witty, and interesting. I always ask at least one question and try to limit the times I write "I" in the message.
Of those 40 that I have written to, two have written back. One said - I am looking for someone local. She is in Syracuse, about an hour from me. I think she wants someone who lives next door. Heck, everyone would like that, but the chances of that happening are pretty darn slim. Well, I wrote back and wished her luck in the nicest possible way. One I had asked her about her fiber art - we had a couple of messages back and forth about that, but when I asked her about something else, she didn't respond. Did she think I was on here to buy her fiber art? Is she using this for a marketing tool? Did she seriously think I wasn't interested in possibly meeting her? Whatever. And that is it. Two whole responses and both pretty useless. Grrr.
I know I am not the most handsome man on the planet. And I know that my currently long hair puts off a lot of women. And I am ok with both of those things. Still, I am disappointed in how scared these women are. Scared to write back to someone. Maybe it isn't fear of me, just a fear that they will waste their time. Heck, if they get 40 emails, one of those might be of interest to them, so why bother writing to the other 39. Hmm. They just find it a waste of time to write back to everyone. And since I am older and hairier, it is easy to choose not to write to me. Still, it is frustrating and sad.
Three women have written me first. I am ok with that. I have written all three back. I am polite. I tell them whether or not I think we might one day be romantic partners (in all three cases, "I don't think we have the potential to be romantic partners") but make it clear that I am also open to new friends and just meeting people. None of them have continued the correspondence.
So what is a fellow to do? I miss the companionship of a relationship. No, I am not lonely. Or desperate. Just I know that I like being in a relationship when possible.
Did I mention that I think I would be a good house husband. As long as my spouse was wealthy. I don't do much cleaning and I certainly don't do yardwork any more. So those would have to be outsourced. But I do cook, and I actually enjoy doing dishes.
Enough about that. I hope you all have a good day.
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6 comments:
you are not alone, Augustus (you are [teehe]). That pretty much has been my experience -- very close. Many women shouldn't even be on the site, they aren't ready! -- JoeK, Raleigh
Thank you Joe!
You say you would be a good house husband for some woman. That's the problem. Although men and women grow up and go to school and compete for everything as equals from day care up through college and then into the working world, I still find that women expect the men in their lives to make more money then they do and/or work more than they do simply because they have the ability to get pregnant and if they want to step off the treadmill and stay home and take care of the kids it's more natural for them to do so. And even if they don't want to have kids, they still want to marry a man who can take care of them.
As for me, I'd like to be in a relationship where we can take care of each other as well as ourselves. But when I voice this opinion, most women look at me like I am demented. It seems as though the biological ability to carry and punch out a kid is a flush card that women can carry, but we get hell if we point that out.
Hi Anonymous! Thank you for your comment. I agree, that most women feel that way. But that is the key. Most women. I am not "most men." And neither, it seems, are you "most women" since would like to be in a relationship where two people take care of each other as well as themselves. This sounds like a good sort of relationship as well! Yippee!
One of the most important thing about online dating is that it takes away the awkwardness and uncomfortable feeling that are normally part of face-to-face first date with a new partner. With online dating, you can easily break the ice and when you meet the other person face to face, you would already have a strong chemistry between the two of you. So online dating websites serve as a perfect platform for singles to meet and interact easily.
There are good things about online dating - and bad things too. Yippee!
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