Smith, Mom and Hippo Birdie Two Meese!

The other night, I spent a few hours working at a benefit event for the Smith Opera House. I have spoken of this place many times and will do so more in the future. This evening was a creative event about mostly local artists giving of themselves in support of the Smith. There were spoken word artists, painters and other creative visual artists, an a capella group (local teenagers), a dance performance, two bands and a silent disco (where music is piped to individuals wearing headphones). All in all, it went over pretty well. Not as fully attended as it could have been, but better than nothing. I ran the lights. A new to me sound contractor ran the sound. As usual, I had a good time and the event went smoothly.

On a completely different note, Mom has forgotten who I am, basically. She remembers that I am someone she knows. And vaguely recalls our relationship. She asked me several times recently, "Am I your mother? Am I Karl's mother too?" And then she asks about pa - her husband and where he is. My favorite was when she asked if I was shocked to find out that she was my mother...Wow, I have to be a duck and just let all of this slide off my back and into the all embracing, all encompassing water of the Universe.

Is it wrong of me to limit the amount of time that I spend with mom each day? I can't think that it is. It is incredibly difficult to talk with her for a long time at a stretch. For a few reasons. One is because the conversations are not very interesting. Mom talks about the same things over and over again. Another is because it is painful to me to see mom in this state of emptiness and frustration. A third is because I get frustrated at trying to remember not to ask her to remember things - to just be in the moment and answer each question she asks for the zillionth time as if it is the first time she has asked it. What a great disease. Yippee.

Happy Birthday (Hippo Birdie) to me. I won't have actually been out of the womb for 52 years until 10:54 this evening, but I can start celebrating early. I went to bed around midnight and woke up every hour on the half hour until 5:30. At which point, I figured I might as well just stay up for a while. Finished one of my six new-to-me Alzheimer's/Caregivers books and putzed around on the internet. Great start to the celebrations!