Sleepy Dreams of Nursing Homes

So, it was another bad night here at Chez Schoen-René. I really wish more was understood about the brain and especially the brain of my mom. She basically slept all day. Woke up a couple of times to eat lunch and get a shower - then Zzzzzzz for the rest of the day - until dinner time - which she only woke up for because I put food in her lap. Ate the food and then zzzzzzz. Then back upstairs - 'cause it was cold downstairs - where she slept for the next four hours till about midnight. At which point, I was winding down, getting ready for my sleep time. So what happens? She starts talking and being awake. And asking what she was supposed to be doing. And where she was going. And where was she. And what should she be doing. Etc. I told her to please be quiet as I was trying to sleep. This worked for about an hour when she started calling for me and telling me she needed me. When I asked why, she said because she needed help to the bathroom. I told her to help herself, I was sleeping. Which she did. Which I did. Then, another hour later...you get the picture. It is now 8:48 am as I start this post, I have been up for an hour after she called out again (fourth or fifth time) that she needed help. And she was hungry and what should she be doing...Gave her a yogurt so I guess I have about 45 minutes until...

I am conflicted about putting mom in a nursing home. They seem like scary black boxes to me - when I am not there, they could do anything to her - or not do anything to her - both of which scare me. She can't sleep - so they give her meds. She isn't awake - so they give her meds. She says she can't go to the bathroom - so they give her meds. I don't want my mom taking lots of meds! Medicine is ok - but the body generally knows what it is doing and does it better with basic care - food, water and rest - than it does with medicine. Just my humble opinion. And no, I am not anti-vaccination - it would, though, be good if vaccination's contents were enumerated and explained (for the adults - most kids wouldn't care, I don't think) - just anti-most medicine - eastern or western. Though eastern generally seems less invasive (except acupuncture - that is pretty pointedly (tee hee) invasive...).

It seems like sometimes staff and patients don't do anything at nursing homes. I have scary memories of visiting people in nursing homes and hearing a whole lot of moaning and bleating and crying out for help as I walked through the halls to find the person we were coming to visit. And the caretakers at the facility - probably - hopefully - doing their best to do what they could to ease the fears and pains of their charges. But who knows. They could just be nightmares that have been exaggerated over the years.

At home, I strive for mom to be as autonomous as I can let her be - as autonomous as she can be. I know that she can make it to the bathroom on her own - that she can make it back to her bedroom - that she can make her own dish of ice cream (though this might soon stop - since I found the ice cream container sitting on the counter after her last ice cream retrieval mission) - that she can, hmm, well, that's about it. She can put on her own robe, when push comes to shove.

At home, I try to feed her, keep her well watered and to let her, as best I can, be awake when she is awake and asleep when she is asleep - letting mom be mom. Letting mom be. I am afraid that in a nursing home, that wouldn't be the case. They would want mom to be who they wanted (thought they needed) her to be. It is all very confusing.

Then again, a nursing home might be great for her - she would have the staff to talk to and pay attention to her. Since she isn't bedridden, she would probably be able to talk with other patients (or whatever people in nursing homes are called these days.) And who knows, they might get her to exercise some. That would be great.

In any case, I will talk with the doctor on Monday and see what he has to say.

Two quick things - I wrote 31 posts last month! Huzzuh! I have done yoga every day since January first - except today. Yay and boo.