Toilet Paper Butts

My mom has cut down on her paper product usage quite a bit. Yay. Still prodigious are the amounts she goes through, but lesser so. Huzzuh! When she goes through toilet paper, she often gets down to the end of a roll and then ignores the poor thing. So I have taken to snagging what I have termed toilet paper butts and using them in my little bathroom (because it is smaller than the big bathroom)(and it is fairly small - not teeny apartment in New York Small, but not expansive by most definitions of the word). Go me.

I had a weird dream (are they any not weird dreams?) about losing my shoes on a train to Berlin. So I asked for help from a police person. I was speaking mostly German with a little bit of English thrown in here and there. Then, just as we were about to start actively looking for my shoes, the conductor walked in with them and gave them to me. And said something in English about not expecting a lot from people with terminal cancer. I thanked everyone profusely, but in Mandarin until I realized that they all had no idea what I was saying, so switched back to German. Then it was off to explore Berlin with a digital SLR. Fun stuff. Time to go back to sleep for a little bit.

So, tomorrow is the anniversary of my birth. Yippee? I have no plans. And no one to do anything with. Boo hoo. Actually, I am ok with doing this for and with and by myself (for the most part - I know that even islands are part of a greater whole). Unfortunately, I didn't do anything about getting someone in for respite. I just can't get my mind around it yet somehow. I will, though. I have 60 hours to use in a couple of months. Eeeek! Anyway, I was planning on getting a massage - but have not done anything about that yet. Other than that, no exciting plans. Pizza and wings for dinner, probably. And maybe an artichoke. 

Part of the reason for my lack of motivation to do anything is because I am going to have to run the show the rest of the week, as my "staff" all were too busy to work. I really need to find a good deputy. Someone who could even take over for me if I were to change jobs. Finding someone I trust enough to do that hasn't proven easy.

Aha! I have booked a massage with an unknown (to me - I am sure someone knows her somewhere...) masseuse for tomorrow afternoon. Pizza and wings for dinner for sure. And that is the extent of my birthday plans. Oh, and to try and not do one single solitary thing for the Smith. That would be novel.

Great - beer made me sick again. Sigh. I had some Sierra Nevada and suddenly had the urge to perform reverse peristalsis. Crap. Good thing I enjoy throwing up now and again. Sad that it is the day before my birthday. We will see if leftovers and some other beer has the same effect. I hope not...

Mailchimp etc.

Overall, I like Mailchimp. It does have a few quirks that I hope get worked out soon - like centering images is a pain in the butt and doesn't work as one would think it would. Also, I am trying to "embed" a video in a mail message and only by diligent searching did I find a Facebook post that suggested removing "styles" from the embed tag - and voila - that seemed to have done the trick. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to figure out how to center an embedded video. Sigh.

"I don't want to be a non-person and I am trying very hard not to be." That is what my mom told me this morning at 4 am as she was sitting in her bedroom. Break my heart, why don't you. Why does she have to do this at 4 in the morning though? Why can't she try and not be a non-person during normal business hours. :)

Had my first "Mom is dead" dream. Joy.

Our substitute aide came and worked for a while. Yay. I have been doing some Smith stuff - like building a Storyboard for an ad that I think the Smith ought to run. Setting up heating for the next week. Etc. Fun, fun, fun! Ooh, and I have been doing a little bill paying. Always a joy. Actually, lucky that I can afford to pay our bills, all things considered.

Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily...

Just woke up from a pretty full on dream - most intense dream I have remembered in a while - holding a set of auditions for a musical of some kind. Had a really great turnout - which is always a good thing - probably 60 kids. Huzzuh! Weird thing is, I am not anywhere near directing a show right now in my life. Maybe it is a sign that I will get to do it again one day. That would be nifty indeed.

I finally plugged one of my mom's Christmas presents in - her clock that tells her what time of day it is. She said she liked it. I hope that it gives her some reassurance! (She thinks it has something to do with keeping her room warm. Sigh)

I thought it would be bigger for the (crazy - demented even) price but it seems to be big enough for mom

Also, mucho progresso soup (o) on the puzzle. Huzzuh!

Closer and closer! All pieces are now face up!

I love crumbs

I do, I love them. I would marry them. And bear their children. Ok, maybe that is going too far...There are times, all things being equal, when I will dig deep in a bag of chips or pretzels and go past the larger pieces and scoop the small crumbs out and eat those.

This is sort of like saving the best for last. Yes, I usually eat my pizza crust end first. And I often eat a meal in such a way that my last few bites are a bit of everything and the best bits. Which is why I usually ask friends to not take the last bites of my food. When I first get my food, anything goes, but towards the end, please refrain from eating off my plate. Thank you! Would that I had a girlfriend to ask this of, but, as some of you know, I am not having much fortune in that department.

Speaking of which, I had a dream in which I was in a grocery store - in the card section when the power went out. There was an attractive woman there, too. We started chatting and then making out. I suggested that we exchange names. Then I woke up. Sigh.

Yesterday was a day. A day of change. I changed my sheets. Changed my clothes. Cleaned the kitchen. Neatened my room (ok, probably not, but I thought I would toss that in there). And shaved.

Probably my favorite - despite not looking at the camera

I love this face!

I look a little surprised...

This one is pretty good, too.

Not thrilled with this one...

A face only a mother could love? I vacillate between thinking I am moderately attractive to thinking there are many butts that are way more photogenic. Sigh. And no, I am not seeking compliments or reinforcement. Just honesty.

The State of ME

So, I bet some of you are wondering how I am.

Heck, I am wondering how I am.

Honestly, I am ok. A little burned out, a little stressed out, a little wigged out (or is that whigged), a little bit country, a little bit rock...no, wait, that was a couple of other people - where was I? Oh, right, a little bit frustrated, a little bit scared, a little bit happy and a lot of just taking it day by day, day by day, oh dear Ford, three things I pay...mortgage, car loan and student loan...again, not me, I was channeling someone named Lincoln, I think. Moving on.

I am well and happy. Yes, my life is not as easy and carefree as I would like. Full time care giver and working part time at a rewarding and sometimes stressful job can have its challenges. Which is to say I would welcome a break, a respite even. I have my name on a respite list with the county but the chances of that coming through are about 1 in 30, counting on 29 people to pass on to the happy hunting grounds. Not very likely. What, you may ask, are my other options? My brother could come and take over for me for a few weeks. My sister has offered to come for a bit; that would be swell. Other than them, not a really deep bench of people stepping up to the plate to help. I have a couple of friends who have offered - if they lived closer. But they don't live closer. Sigh.

Onward. All one can really do is keep getting up and living each day as it comes. Lots of thoughts, plans, feelings and such, rumbling around, but no concrete answers. Not that concrete answers really are concrete answers. I am not yet at the point in my life where I could use another serendipitous moment, or deus ex machina to shake things up. But that time is coming...maybe in six or seven months...

Weird Dream

I dreamt that "they" were after me. First, I jumped out of my car as it was moving down a street or alley - lucky I did because a large delivery van exploded and careened into the car from behind! Eeeek. I ran to look for someplace to hide and destroyed two little recon drone type flying thingies that were chasing me. Then, after things had seemed to calm down for a second, I went to look for my car to see if I could find it - I couldn't. Some guy helped me locate where it had been taken - apparently to be dismantled. I eventually found a box that contained things that had been in the car - but never examined all the stuff - because they started to attack me again - this time with a river of sludge - but my alter ego found a vehicle - some sort of tractor-let - that enabled us to escape for the time being. I am sure there was a bit more and more details could be dragged out of my brain, but I think you all get the picture.

So, I didn't do much of anything yesterday, despite my desires and my hopes. No laundry, no coin counting, no books added to my database. Sigh. I did, though, go out to do some food shopping. I also stopped for a beer at the Smoke House - the new place that opened in earlier July. It was dead. Only one bartender and a bar manager (who wasn't behind the bar all that much). Lots of servers, but few customers. The bartender barely spoke to me, despite me being the only person at the bar and her not getting any orders to speak of. I did chat with the bar manager a bit. Mostly about the high price of her flight of beers - $10 for 20ish ounces of beer. That seemed high to me. She said she had had no complaints. I didn't point out that people don't complain unless they are really pissed, usually. But my math showed it was pretty expensive. Two pints of their most expensive beer (32ish ounces) is only $11. Doing the math we have $.50 per ounce versus $.34 per ounce for the a pint. Quite a difference, n'est-ce pas? Whatever. I don't plan to go there for another two or three weeks. At least.

I also went Wegman's for groceries for dinner. I made mom some baked salmon, an ear of corn and broccoli. And for me, pizza with pepperoni, banana peppers (what is the difference between banana peppers and pepperoncini?) and artichoke hearts. Yum. I have left over pizza for lunch for the next few days. Aren't I the luckiest guy on the planet?

Speaking of lucky, mom and I get to have a free lunch today. Luckily, we woke up early and will have plenty of time to get dressed and get out. Yay!

This and some of that

Just had the weirdest dream - which I am not going to share - suffice it to say, it was weird. And disturbing. Don't know if I want to go back to sleep. Eeeek.

I did not accomplish all of what I wanted to accomplish yesterday. None of the fiscal/financial/ick stuff. Glarg. I did, though, start moving/redistributing stuff from the living room. My idea is to move everything from there to other places - or at least to the room at the head of the stairs - my old room from when I was a tyke - before moving that stuff up into the attic - a sort of expandable universe up there - room for a few more households to be dumped into, I am sure. I had one of those darn epiphany-lets - now that the red room has been delinened - all of it artfully crammed into the linen closet, I am going to move all of the empty boxes from the living room to there - so it will feel like I have made a lot of progress. Yay for the semblance of progress. Or for semblance indeed! Perception is reality!

Sorting, at least, continues. I like to sort - and to throw stuff out - even if it is my stuff. I am an equal opportunity thrower-outer. Yes, I do hold onto silly stuff - like movie ticket stubs. What the heck am I going to do with movie ticket stubs? Maybe my grandchildren (ha. hahahahahahaha) will look at them and be in awe that I went to so many movies.
Today is mom's birthday. I am waiting to "get up" until after the mail has arrived - hoping that another birthday card (she has only gotten two) arrives. I do have a present for her - the book from the Chasing Ice guy/movie that she for some reason keeps remembering. I think she will look at it for about five minutes and then never look at it again - but I hope that it will make her choose happy for a few minutes as well. I will get her flowers tonight at the grocery store when I go to get makings for dinner tonight. I am a little anxious about cooking mussels - bad shellfish is, er, bad. But we shall do the best we can!

So far, she has gotten flowers and candy! Thank you E&B and J&P! You all rock! Karl sent her a package earlier. I am guessing it has marzipan fruit in it. I will let mom open that later today. After her hair appointment. Yay!

Felt Like Saturday and a few epiphanies for good measure

Now why would it feel like Saturday? Maybe because I have to work on the real Saturday? Hmm. But I did get a few things accomplished, despite the Saturday feel of the day.

I called the realtor that my friend Ted had spoken with about working to sell the house in North Carolina. No word from her back, yet.

Speaking of no word, most of the music that I ordered hasn't arrived. The second copy of Rhapsody in Blue did arrive and though it is easier, it still is really hard. I think I will have to wait a bit before delving into it more deeply. Instead, I am working on the second movement of the Moonlight Sonata. And I am thinking of working on the third at some point. Eeek.

I also paid the last bill of the month. Yay. Speaking of which, the city assessors office called and reminded us that we needed to get some paperwork in to apply for money off mom's taxes! How awesome are they and is that? I will try to do that Monday, or at the latest, Tuesday. I neglected to make copies of the tax stuff that Karl did for us. Sigh.

Not much else of note transpired yesterday. This morning I had a bit of a nightmare about working at the Smith. There was a party being prepared and I was hanging out with everyone when I a) missed the person I was currently enamored of and then not much later (in dream time) b) realized that I was late for working at the Smith. The last part of the dream was spent trying to find my black clothing and not being able to. Eeek!

I had a minor epiphany this morning about relationships. I wouldn't mind being the first person that someone else thinks about in the morning and the last person they think about at night. Other than themselves of course. And their blood kin or adopted kin. Or there best friends who might be going through difficult or exciting times. Or their neighbor. Or their goldfish that died four months ago...I know, it is a lot to ask, but it would be nice...

Another small epiphany - about dinner at home for mom when I am not around. I actually had two thoughts. One was that I could order food and have it delivered. There are some difficulties here - but nothing that couldn't be overcome. And the second was I could make something cold and leave it in the fridge for her. I am leaning towards that option for this evening. We shall see.

In rereading the above text, I realized something else that happened. I fell for a TV infomercial. I bought a little drain snake thing that was supposed to grab hair out of my drain. Right. Luckily I didn't pay what was asked on the TV. I found it for $.09 plus a lot of shipping (still cheaper than anywhere else I could find). So, although it doesn't seem to function as advertised (what a surprise), I am not out a whole large chunk of change. Yay!

Mushed Post

By mushed, I mean a mess of stuff - a glop of a post perhaps. We shall see. Since nothing of earth shattering proportions occurred yesterday, I am just filling space, hoping that a direction will present itself. Or at least a few things worth a few sentences and seconds of all of our times.

David lent me a book called, Don't Sleep, There are Snakes - a book about a man's experiences in the Amazon learning about a people and their language. I can't say that the writing is scintillating - but the information is good, which makes up for the writing, at least so far.

Cooked breakfast for dinner once again for Sunday night. I actually broke down and bought some frozen waffles - but went for gluten free blueberry waffles. Why? Well, I might have a slight gluten intolerance - and I like to try new things. They weren't bad. 

I went to Microclimate last night. I brushed my hair (ouch) and put on a nice looking sweater. A friend mentioned that she would be there. (Same person, not a spy reporting on another person's whereabouts...) I wasn't sure of the etiquette. Since she mentioned the place, I thought it would be ok if I showed up, not strictly invited, but not explicitly disinvited. Being me, I asked and she said it was fine if I wanted to come. It was really quiet and we had a good chat, I think. We might, one day, hit tennis balls together. That would be fun - as long as she doesn't make me dive into the asphalt chasing down a shot...

Ok, went back to sleep and woke up after a bit of an intense dream. I was screaming at my nephews for ignoring mom. Sigh. I don't like screaming - even in my dreams. Maybe I will go back to sleep...

More teeny epiphanies from my world

Here's the first teeny epiphany - I was lamenting the fact that when I was marinating my hamburger meat in Worcestershire Sauce (French's, not Lee and Perrin - there is a huge price difference and they taste similar enough for government work...) that I had to put it on and then mix up the meat. I had a the great thought I could put some in the bowl before I put the meat in and then put the meat in and put more on top! Yay! Problem mostly solved!

Another - I fixed a problem I was having with my home computer - not a huge one, but annoying. I have a network here in the house. There are five others in the area that show up on my list. By mistake, one day, I clicked on one of the others. For the past many months, my computer would pick that one first and I would have to go into my wifi settings and choose my network. Well, I read about how to fix this on the internet - and the steps helped but didn't solve the problem. Finally, I just deleted both of those networks from my known list and poof, voila even, my network is being automatically picked now. Phew and hurrah!

There was a third, and maybe it will come to me.

Meanwhile, a little about other stuff (and such). I have been remembering more of my dreams lately. Not sure if it is because of the phase of the moon or my practices before bed or what - or maybe what I eat before sleep (not that I eat before sleep because that is generally thought to be less than healthiest) but those cheetos might have something to do with it... I like remembering my dreams - even partially - makes me feel like my sleeping has not been a total waste of time.

Helped David and The Smith with the sound system yesterday - drove out and back to Phelps for speakers - they love the feel of wind in their woofers - and we set up the wireless mic for the first time. How exciting.

Also went to the Boys and Girls Club and looked at the Black Box theatre. I don't know why, but black box theatres in general make me feel sad. Still, one step closer to doing a show. Speaking of which, I still haven't been "thanked" for my work on Hairspray. When was that? Middle of March? Sigh. I was hoping for that money to buy mom (and me) some birthday presents. Glarg even.

Nope, not remembering the third teeny epiphany. Maybe it will come back to me. Probably not.